I went to live with my friend a week ago, and I would be
lying if I said that it was not fun and that I didn’t enjoy this much since a
very long time. And I first thought it was being with a friend that gave me happiness but actually it was the being without my family that gave me the sheer
joy that I experienced.
Now being back, I am
sad again. In the beginning I didn’t let the sadness envelope me but is hard to
keep up these walls any longer because
sooner or later they are going to crack and I will revert to my old self, the
old self that thought she was the most unimportant person in existence and I
shall become the person who thought her absence would make no difference. Yes,
it is the sad truth but that is always how I looked at myself. You see, I am
not pretty; I am not smart; I am not a leader, nor am I a lone wolf; I am not
funny and I am the least bit caring. I am, however, blunt, careless, clumsy and
lazy.
My friends are pretty much the only anchor I really have to
save me from getting lost. People usually say that family is the most
underrated thing you have and you won’t realize how important they are to you
until they are gone. Well, my family is not the most supportive nor are they
appreciative of anything I do. Let’s go in order shall we.
First, my father. The most tarnished relationship in my
life. I hate him. And I think he has started to feel the same for me. He is
probably going to send me packing the first chance he gets and he has good
reason to because I know for a fact that I don’t treat him the way I am suppose
to. But neither does he. In fact he treats me like a burden. And that would be
totally alright with me if he treated my brother like that; alas, that isn’t
the case, he treats my brother like his equal and me like his servant. I would
forgive if he ever changed, but he has such a backward mind that he is probably
never going to change his mentality.
Secondly, my mother. She I loved, once long ago. She is a
likable person and apparently cared for me when I was a child and she was a mother. But as the years passed by,
the tables turned and we changed. I grew up and she didn’t. Instead of growing
older, she grew younger. Trying to preserve her youth. Now, she acts like a
teenager (not even the smart type of teenager, but those dumbest of the dumb
one who spends their days on facebook and post 27 selfies of themselves every
minute).
It hurts me more than
anyone to see what see has become. She was my idol growing up and I wanted to
be an artist just like her and make the world happier and more vibrant. But
then she lost interest in art and began an interest in socializing. It was fun to see her happy among friends at the
beginning but what peaks must come down. She stopped giving me or my brother
any attention and now the only way I can get to talk to her so if I go up to
her and find a topic and even then she doesn’t listen, her head is just inside
that little iPhone of hers.
It isn’t just that, but she never wants to appreciate me for
what I am, she constantly demines me and tells me I am not good enough and that
how much better my friends are than I am. How I will amount to nothing in life
and how bad I am. And if I don’t listen at first, it is drilled into my head
until I do.
My brother comes right at the end because he is like the
evil puppeteer to my parents. I don’t know what he does or how he does it but
the moment be says something and makes a statement my parents will
automatically agree. It is very annoying.
But I don’t hate him, I actually admire him. He is a born leader and the
absolute opposite of what I am. We are as different as The Sun and The Moon. Where
he would be The Sun and I would be The Moon-always lurking in his shadows,
never good enough to shine when he is around. I would be like the Moon always
fleeting, irrelevant and insignificant whereas he would like be The Sun-
radiant, loved and important.
Now I know most who have read this are thinking of it as
some sort of rebellious teenage thing, and it might be. I might be going
through a phase. But when I am
writing this I may think it as the hard and bitter truth but in a year or two
it will just become like everything thing- a story.
