Home Sweet Home

I went to live with my friend a week ago, and I would be lying if I said that it was not fun and that I didn’t enjoy this much since a very long time. And I first thought it was being with a friend that gave me happiness but actually it was the being without my family that gave me the sheer joy that I experienced.

 Now being back, I am sad again. In the beginning I didn’t let the sadness envelope me but is hard to  keep up these walls any longer because sooner or later they are going to crack and I will revert to my old self, the old self that thought she was the most unimportant person in existence and I shall become the person who thought her absence would make no difference. Yes, it is the sad truth but that is always how I looked at myself. You see, I am not pretty; I am not smart; I am not a leader, nor am I a lone wolf; I am not funny and I am the least bit caring. I am, however, blunt, careless, clumsy and lazy.

My friends are pretty much the only anchor I really have to save me from getting lost. People usually say that family is the most underrated thing you have and you won’t realize how important they are to you until they are gone. Well, my family is not the most supportive nor are they appreciative of anything I do. Let’s go in order shall we.

First, my father. The most tarnished relationship in my life. I hate him. And I think he has started to feel the same for me. He is probably going to send me packing the first chance he gets and he has good reason to because I know for a fact that I don’t treat him the way I am suppose to. But neither does he. In fact he treats me like a burden. And that would be totally alright with me if he treated my brother like that; alas, that isn’t the case, he treats my brother like his equal and me like his servant. I would forgive if he ever changed, but he has such a backward mind that he is probably never going to change his mentality.

Secondly, my mother. She I loved, once long ago. She is a likable person and apparently cared for me when I was a child and she was a mother. But as the years passed by, the tables turned and we changed. I grew up and she didn’t. Instead of growing older, she grew younger. Trying to preserve her youth. Now, she acts like a teenager (not even the smart type of teenager, but those dumbest of the dumb one who spends their days on facebook and post 27 selfies of themselves every minute).

 It hurts me more than anyone to see what see has become. She was my idol growing up and I wanted to be an artist just like her and make the world happier and more vibrant. But then she lost interest in art and began an interest in socializing. It was fun to see her happy among friends at the beginning but what peaks must come down. She stopped giving me or my brother any attention and now the only way I can get to talk to her so if I go up to her and find a topic and even then she doesn’t listen, her head is just inside that little iPhone of hers.

It isn’t just that, but she never wants to appreciate me for what I am, she constantly demines me and tells me I am not good enough and that how much better my friends are than I am. How I will amount to nothing in life and how bad I am. And if I don’t listen at first, it is drilled into my head until I do.

My brother comes right at the end because he is like the evil puppeteer to my parents. I don’t know what he does or how he does it but the moment be says something and makes a statement my parents will automatically agree. It is very annoying.  But I don’t hate him, I actually admire him. He is a born leader and the absolute opposite of what I am. We are as different as The Sun and The Moon. Where he would be The Sun and I would be The Moon-always lurking in his shadows, never good enough to shine when he is around. I would be like the Moon always fleeting, irrelevant and insignificant whereas he would like be The Sun- radiant, loved and important. 

Now I know most who have read this are thinking of it as some sort of rebellious teenage thing, and it might be. I might be going through a phase. But when I am writing this I may think it as the hard and bitter truth but in a year or two it will just become like everything thing- a story. 

Over Thinking

I have been thinking about a lot of things, mostly about how I treat my friends. If you know me, you should know that I can either treat my friends very well or very badly. I am the type of person who likes extremes, but that is not always a good thing because I am getting the chills from more than one friend, and the worst thing is that they aren’t those facebook friends but these are the proper one, who I cherish.

 I have four such friends. And I am having the feeling two out of these four are angry with me. One is Pinky, though I am not sure why, but she has been distant for the past few days, at least compared to the others. The second one is Iris. She, I understand why she would be mad at me. I have been treating her… well I have been mean to her, very mean. And I did try to amend it. Though I didn’t apologize, maybe because I am too proud but I think she is not as angry at me as she was. That is an improvement, isn’t it?

So my plan at starting next week is to make amends and get my friends back, or rather closer because they haven’t really left me or maybe I am just overreacting.  

A Normal Life.

I try to be a strong person most of the time, I don’t try to let trivial things bother me but sometimes things get under my skin and they do rip my heart out. If things happen at home I let it but what happens when you are on the verge of tears in your school? Well here’s what happens, you find out the people who truly care about you or atleast those who have a heart to do something good.
I realized that I am friends with people who don’t deserve friends who don’t care about anything but themselves and don’t appreciate your funny ass jokes. Hate them. I shall call him, for today, Jackass. And since I am not a writer I shall comic it.

So that is how it begins.

So that's what happened today. 

And what I deal with on a daily basis. 

A waste of my life

Since my life is what some people call boring, I’ve wasted some of my life trying to figure out what my friend’s social life is all about. I’ve got this one friend called Pinkie, and she is one of the coolest people you would ever meet, but she has a serious knack for picking bad things (clothing attire is an exception). Anyway, she has a sad excuse for a best friend, and her name is Puglesh Patel (mostly because she looks like a pug). Puglesh is only Pinkie’s friend by name, because the way they act around each other, at least in front of me, is distant. Pinkie has told almost everyone alive that she is angry (or rather upset) with Puglesh. I don’t know if the news has reached Puglesh or not, but she hasn’t changed. So, let us talk about why Puglesh is a bad friend. One, she's made some new friends with some new morons and she completely ignores Pinkie when they are around. Two, these new friends she has made have now become her best friends, so in the end she has 5 ‘best’ friends- which is pretty much shit because 'best' is a superlative and can only be used for one person and she has five (and I am not one, just for your information). Now Pinkie, being a completely useless human and basically any normal girl decides to go to every other person and bitch about her best friend. Pinkie according to me is a complete retard for that, but more on that later. She first goes to share her feelings with M, who is one of the five best friends of Puglesh. But M is also Pinkie’s best friend and M being a good human doesn’t tell Puglesh (so much for best friends). And M is also pretty popular among the girls for being friendzoned. Poor sod, but he sort of deserves it because he is an ass. Though I think he is only like that with girls. I think he may be gay; most probably not though. I don’t want to be spreading rumors around. Anyway, M is everyone’s confidant. Puglesh is a bitch. Pinkie is a person who doesn’t like too many shit storms. So that's pretty much it . . .